During my 40-year forestry career, I have been asked to play Santa Claus many times in a few former coastal logging camps like Jeune Landing and Sewell Inlet.  I have even dressed up my old dog Cruiser with real deer horns and a nice lipstick covered red nose to accompany Santa to represent Rudolph much to the delight of hundreds of kids in these isolated villages.

In those days it was the tradition that Santa consumed a generous amount of rye and coke to overcome his stage fright and fears of a screaming kid on his knee. Mostly that worked as Santa does not recall all the happenings during those shouts of glee and “Santa, Santa”  from wide-eyed young kids as Santa handed out hundreds of presents and took pictures with the logger’s families.

Since I made my final move to the Cowichan Valley 15 years ago I have volunteered at the BC Forest Discovery Centre as their main Santa for Christmas season. I had a theatrical grade custom Santa suit including boots made for me by the lady who does costumes for the Chemainus theatre shows.

Each year being Santa usually means up to 15 days of sitting in the big man’s chair hoisting tons of kids (hopefully not too many fat or squirmy ones!!) onto my knee for more than 1000 Santa pictures.

At the Forestry Centre we chirp “Trees” rather than “Cheese” when that moment of happy faces for the perfect Santa picture is primed.  I guess I have been doing this long enough that I remember successive years of the same kids showing up for their annual photos.

So far the youngest was just 8 days old and we had a 96 year old senior as well.  You want to be damned careful not to drop the fresh babies or knock the old codgers over!!

Santa sometimes asks if the kid has been “naughty” or “nice” and that usually elicits some great responses like “well, I have tried to be better than before” or “well, sort of I guess” or “I’ve been nice but my brother’s been a jerk” or “I have been both but for Christmas I am always nice”.

There are actions, questions and statements that elicit major fears for Santa:

• Babies pulling on Santa’s beard and it falls off
• A kid yelling out “Hey I know who you really are!”
• Calling out “I know you aren’t the real Santa” in front of true believers
• Guessing too low on a kids age-its ok to guess they are older than they are but not the reverse
• Mistaking a mother as the kid’s grandmother

The requests and questions to and from Santa by kids are usually all over the forest but can be interesting and hilarious:

• From a 4-year-old boy waiting patiently for Santa to return from a break –“Where the heck have you been?”
• From a 12-year-old boy – What would you like for Christmas? – “To reach puberty as soon as possible.”
• From a 3-year-old girl – What do you think your mom would like for Christmas? “Beer”
• From a 5-year-old boy – What would you like for Christmas?-“A Barbie doll-Christmas edition” Santa said – “HO HO OH that’s nice!” thinking of the current PC rules for Santa!
• From the 5-year-old brother of a 3-year-old girl – What would you like for Christmas? “She doesn’t want anything but I want Lego Minecraft”.
• 2018 most asked for present request so far from both  boys and girls – Lego
• From a 55-year-old woman – What would you like for Christmas? “A good man!”
• From a 13-year-old girl – What would you like for Christmas?- “Justin Bieber”
• From a 3-year-old boy- What colour of choo-choo train would you like? “Chocolate”
• From a 5-year-old girl – “Are you the REAL Santa?”
• From a 5-year-old girl – And what would you like for Christmas this year? “I already told you at the mall.”
• From a 4-year-old boy – What will you have for Christmas dinner? “Hot dogs and popcorn.”
• From a 4-year – old girl- Will you be eating duck for Christmas dinner? – “No way we don’t we eat ducks!”
• From a 7-year-old – What would you like for Christmas? – “Peace on Earth”
• From a 10-year-old – What would you like for Christmas? “Surprise me and money!”
• From a 4-year-old – And where are you from? – “Canada”
• From a 4-year-old – Where do you live? – “2455 Main Street but I forget the town”
• From a five-year-old – “Santa-we are from out of town and not at home on Christmas eve so please don’t forget my presents”
• From a 4-year-old girl – “I forget what I want but I like chocolate”
• From a 6-year-old boy – What would you like for Christmas? “Here’s the list –make sure I get the first 3”.
• From a 4-year-old boy – “Where are your reindeer?” Up on the roof
• From a 5-year-old girl – “Is that beard for real?”

 Merry Christmas Everyone from Santa (yeah the real one not the fake guy at the mall!)

Bill Dumont